Silence.

Popular demand subtle-y asked me to quiet the blog.

I'm about the people.

Also, it's really kind of annoying to me, too.

So if you want music, take a joy ride with your cursor on over to the play button.

But really, have fun. If it's in the half second that it takes to press play (or in the 5 seconds it takes to turn your own music on), let it be a moment of happy.

I am increasingly broken these days.

I am also increasingly happy.

I really don't know how God swings that.

I pray that it would be more joy than so much happiness.

I don't need one more emotion.

Have those, thanks.

But a mindset? I'll take a new one, God, if you're offering.

And He is.

Everyday.

It's why there is a Spirit.

It is trustworthy and working, but demands a person's attention.

I look for moments of silence.

Mostly because I want to live a life that anticipates God.

I want to listen before He speaks.

I want to be ready to hear.

Far be it from me to tell God to speak up.

Above my own noise.

And far be it from me to hear

and not do.

I am scared to hear.

I am desperate to hear.

I am tired of hearing myself talk and telling myself I'm so right.

I am tired of listening to what other people think and believing that they are right.

I am sick of seeking validation for myself from myself or others.

I am sick of feeling invalidated by myself and others.

Mostly because I want to see what God is doing well in others.

I don't want to pick at flaws or joke about weaknesses.

I choose to look for miracles.

I choose to find how God is working, not how we're failing.

And I want to join Him there.

I want to seek glory for God and from God.

Not that I am worthy.

But mostly because I'm unworthy. To do His work. To have some sort of meaning. To be led. To speak.

I want the worth I do have to come from God.

And I want to know Him as worthy, so I can put it right back down at His feet.

And I want to know what that specifically looks like in my life.

I know it doesn't mean cozy.

It means tears in a frequency I have never known.

It means laughs at an almost equal frequency.

Each of both from and for a God I don't feel like should have ever cared this much.

But He does.

And that.

Makes me want to shut up* already.

(*it's not nice to say shut up)