I originally wrote this post three years ago in celebration of Emily's birthday. It just seemed appropriate to update for today, in celebration of Emily's life and calling. I searched in vain for the words to update twitter last night during Emily's convocation. What to say about her diligence, bravery, integrity, hospitality, and love? The confidence and touch she offers so selflessly?
I couldn't get my mind off how hard Med school really is and how easy it is to forget that around Emily. She'll be honest and admit it in heart-conversation. But in the day to day? That's when these words came:
She brings joy to tough work.
(and I cherish her example)
She's chosen the hard spaces and she trusts the Lord there.
(there is no greater privilege).
If you read nothing else, go read her personal statement, submitted on her med school application. It's her heart and soul. *That* is what we're celebrating today.
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(original post, updated for today)
I
am an incredibly privileged person.
Sometimes the privilege is the problem, as I'll just roam about the day oblivious to (or worse, feeling entitled to) all I have.
But sometimes the privilege overwhelms me and I take the time to get truly thankful-- the kind of thankful that changes things. You know those parts of life that just make you want to be better? That's privilege. Passion is privilege.
One of the blessings I count among the most sacred and inspiring in my
life is my sister. At the thought of her and our relationship, I am reminded of
God's providence. How He works it out and constructs people to interact as
complements. We often get caught up in trying to be a
substitute for another person. This is not to say we often think we can replace another person, we just think we'd be better if we could be that person.
Regarding the foundational qualities we could all
possess a little more of-- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
gentleness, faithfulness, and self control-- it is great to borrow from each other.
But
when it comes to gifts and personalities? You can't be anyone but you. Emily is
my proof that it is not only okay, it's how it is supposed to be.
Knowing Emily
doesn't make me want be her, like a substitute; it makes me want to be a better
me; a better complement.
I would love to say my actions are always in
accordance with this appreciation, but we both still struggle with the
insecurities involved in our weaknesses as well as jealousies involved in each
other's strengths. Sometimes we cast ourselves so definitely in the roles we
have observed in each other and what we know about our personalities that we
feel trapped by the norms.
For example, it is expected that I will be
disorganized but sweet, Emily collected but assertive (no, not a euphemism for
bossy). Frustrations over these expectations in our behavior come
to a head in some crazy moments-- and in those moments I am so thankful for parents who encourage good, Godly communication. Our "come to Jesus" meetings always end with a recognition of the
wisdom with which God created us so differently.
Sometimes we clash, but more
often than not, we mesh. While I praise God for that relationship and have
learned so much from it, there are so many things I value about Emily as an individual, outside of how our personalities compare and contrast.
So many
things I love about
Emily... and her 26-year-old self.
I love living with her, in such close proximity to the help and advice she jumps at the opportunity to share with anyone. I admire her dedication to people.
I love that she wants to be a
doctor because she truly cares and recognizes that she is gifted to be able to
help. I love her growing relationship with the Lord as He guides her through this most challenging process.
I love that she loves a kid. (especially that one).
I
love that she sees a problem, decides what needs to be done to fix it, and goes
after it. She looks for ways to make life easier, better. And in that pursuit, she embodies the compassion of Christ.
I love her smile. And her humor.
I love her voice.
It sounds a bit vain if you think
of a voice as a fleeting talent.
How about, then, I love how she rejoices. She
has a unique way of belting something out. Sure, it's fun and games when her
choice of music is Lady Marmelade in the car with her cell phone as a
microphone, but there is nothing quite as powerful as when she pours her heart
into worshipping God. I am humbled by her ability and desire to take others
along with her.
I love her desire to know how
things work. Hospital systems, construction (and, consequently, demolition),
the human body, a bank account, a new set design at church, history (if you catch
her at just the right time :)), relationships. She's a read-the-instructionstype of person--amazingly thorough.
I admire this quality most when it comes to
her relationship with God. She doesn't want to simply know about Him, she craves to know how He's
working and what she can do to be involved.
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(Emily's personal statement)
A
Breath of Fresh Air
I
have been surrounded by medicine my entire life with my father being a
pediatrician and my mother, an RN. It is not strange to me then, that I would
be inclined to have a career in a health profession. However, the decision to
pursue that inclination as a physician was a long time coming. Knowing I would
be involved in some sort of health profession, I chose to get a bachelor’s of
science to keep all my options open. Physical Therapy and medicine became the
two front runners in my mind because they involved close relationships with
patients, interactions of the human body, and the ability to make decisions
that bring healing. Physical Therapy was the route that I began to pursue, but
the idea of medicine would never leave my mind.
I
worked last summer in the Summer Science Program in the UAMS Department of
Pediatrics at Arkansas Children’s Hospital—the most magical place on earth, or
is that Disney World? My mentor, Dr. Mary Aiken, was adamant that I observe
different areas of medicine. My favorite experiences were the emergency
department, the hospital wards, and the nursery at UAMS. It was in these
settings that I found myself not just comfortable in, but rewarded by the
professional relationships with students, doctors, and patients. The diagnostic
process and patient interaction further intrigued me as I shadowed my dad’s
ward team. The research I was a part of in the Summer Science Program allowed
me insight into the real life effects of trauma and the role that doctors play
in helping families cope. The positive feedback I received from my research
presentation boosted my confidence and again made me feel like I belonged in
the medical world. Why was I continuing to fight the idea of being a doctor?The
last weekend of the summer, I was on my way to school when I passed a car wreck
(or as Dr. Aitken prefers, a motor vehicle crash). I was overwhelmed with a
desire to help. I wanted to be trained to stay calm, take charge, and know what
to do. I wouldn’t learn those things in physical therapy school. When I got to
school, I talked with Dr. Jeffers, the Dean of the School of Natural Science
and a trusted advisor. I told him about my summer and that I was trying to
decide between physical therapy and medicine. His advice was to practice
physical therapy if that’s what I wanted to do, but to not do physical therapy
simply because I was scared of medical school. He hit the nail right on the
head. I was scared that it would be too hard, that I would not be able to have
the lifestyle I want, that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure…Sometimes
the scaredy-cat in me takes off for a while before logic can catch up. Here’s
what I know about myself. I love to learn, and I am a good student. I am
fascinated with the functioning of the human body, the cause and effect
relationships that allow a person to run a mile, fight an infection, or speak a
different language. I like to know how things work under normal circumstances
and how they are affected when something goes wrong. I know I will enjoy the
subjects of medical school and will be grateful to have found a job that allows
me to use that information everyday. However, I realize there will be days when
the intrigue of the material is far out-weighed by the stress of life and when
being a doctor loses its glamour. In those times, I can rely on the drive that
has gotten me through such things as quantitative analysis and organic
chemistry. It is an ability to focus and plow through a given task, not because
it is fun, but because I want to do my best; not because it is immediately
rewarding, but because I see purpose for the future; not because I want to
please people, but because I expect it of myself. Medical school would never
leave my mind because despite all my fears, I knew any alternative would be
selling myself short.
My
concern about my lifestyle as a doctor is still an important issue but one that
I have left in God’s hands. I had to get past my fear of the unknown, not
having an exact plan, and just say yes to medical school for now. I am
confident God has picked an area of medicine that will allow him to use me in
whatever areas he needs me. So like I did before I knew what college to go to,
or what career path to follow, I will work hard to keep all of my options open.
Even
though I don’t know what type of medicine I will practice, I do know what kind
of doctor I want to be. A doctor should be a person who brings calm into the
confusion and worry that often accompany sickness. I want to be able to walk
into a room and be a breath of fresh air, someone that people can look to for
strength and reassurance. I want to earn trust and respect as a competent
physician who is intellectually qualified to be making decisions regarding a
patient’s medical care. I want to be able to calm the fear of the unknown by
explaining what is going on and why we are taking a particular course of
action. I want to be a doctor who has a sense of personal responsibility,
humility, and compassion. My decision to pursue medicine may have been a long
time coming, but I know that I am called to be a doctor, and I am ready to
begin studying with diligence and conviction.
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More recently she wrote this note of facebook:
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"What's
Next?
'I
see the king of glory coming on the clouds with fire...
I
see his love and mercy washing over all our sin...
I
see a generation rising up to take their place...I see a near revival stirring
as we pray and sing...We're on our knees.
Heal
my heart and make it clean.
Open
up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show
me how to love like you have loved me.
Break
my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything
I am for your kingdom's cause.
As
I walk from earth into eternity.
Hosanna,
Hosanna, Hosanna in the HighestHosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest'
God
is big. Bigger than my mind lets him be...
'My
thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far
beyond anything you could imagine...my ways are higher than your ways...'
--Isaiah 55:8-9'"
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Amen,
sister.
I
am so privileged to have a sister who makes me want to be better at being me. I am so thankful to God that you
are who you
are. As we grow towards the women He wants us to be, it is amazing to me that
he uses our differences to grow us together. Thank you for being obedient first
and foremost to His calling. I love knowing you on the journey and I admire you
as a student, a professional, a daughter, a follower of Christ, a sister and a
friend.
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