Sweet Zaida

Maybe I was just feeling particularly motherly.

It was, after all, Mother's Day.

I also know it had to do a lot with Jessica's short post reflecting on her WorldVision trip to the DR.

I felt like I was giving up my 7 babies (really full grown teenagers, but still).

I was sad about still not having a quasi-Smith to hold on and love.

I was thinking of Truett and how much love and care he'll be born into while millions of others have none to speak of.

I was thinking of meeting parentless faces in Peru and the desire I know I'll have by the end of this trip to take some home and possibly give my right arm to offer them continued care and education and a loving embrace.

I was listening to JJ Heller's "Little Things."

I was reading things like this from Mark Batterson:

"If loving God with all our heart means a heart that breaks for the things that break the heart of God, then loving God with all our sould means a sould full of wonder, a soul flooded with the glory of God, a soul awed by beauty and mystery, a soul that hallows God above all else.

Don't let what you cannot do keep you from doing what you can. Put your money where your heart is. It's not a drop in the bucket. Every act of generosity creates a righteous ripple effect that can change the course of history. It will also change your heart.

When it comes to getting, it seems like enough is never enough. And the same is true with giving. It seems like enough is never enough, so we don't give anything. Let me challenge that subconscious lie that we buy into. You'll never have enough. You'll never be enough. You'll never do enough. But don't let that keep you from giving what you have, being who you are, and doing what you can. If you make a difference in the life of one little girl, isn't that enough?

The bottom line is this: your focus determines your reality. As your perspective changes, you life will change. You might find yourself in the same circumstances. but your heart will change, along with it your motivations and expectations. If you focus on your wants, enough will never be enough. And your heart will get smaller and smaller. If you focus on the needs of others, you'll discover that you have more than enough. If you focus on the here and now, you'll try to hang on to everything you have. But if you focus on eternity, you'll give away everything you've got.

Matthew 6:21-- "Where your treasure is, there you heart will be also."

I think it's easy to talk about things like faith and obedience and compassion in abstract terms. The more abstract, the less convicting the truth is. So let me get concrete. Faith equals God-ordained risks in the face of fear. Obedience equals God-honoring decisions in the face of temptation. And compassion equals Spirit-prompted generosity in the face of greed.

Every word of scripture, with its seventy faces and 600,000 meanings, must be translated via obedience... truth must be translated in your life. YOU are among the company of translators. For better or for worse, your life is your unique translation (of the bible)."

So.

I hopped on over to World Vision.

I decided to peruse and then it hit me that I was "shopping" for faces and I cried.

I cried again when I "added" Zaida to my "cart."

I prayed that she would know now and always that she was added to God's "cart" first.

That's what I want as her sponsor. I really don't need to feel all fabulous and mushy for giving $30 a month when it is well within my means and so worthy a place for my money to be anyway. It's not a pat on my back and I am certainly not a fool enough to believe that sponsoring a child covers my compassion and generosity bases. But I have to say, it felt like an amazing start.

A three year old, convicting me to spend wisely. A smile from a wind-burned face, reminding me of what's important. Deep brown eyes that beg me to see myself in her and say to my soul that it is worth the money and the time and the hassle to get to Peru and meet more of these precious faces.

She is fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I know that full well.

When I decided to sponsor Zaida, I figured Jessica had run out of the necklaces she was giving away to new sponsors, but I still wanted something to be a constant reminder of her in my life. I'd bought a pendant weeks earlier, but hadn't put it on a chain yet. When I bought it I thought it was cool because it had a picture of a sheep on the front and "John 10:11" written on the back. My life verse that Mom and Dad chose for my baby dedication comes from that passage, talking about how the sheep know Jesus and he knows them and they follow Him because they know His voice.

Now it would be Zaida's necklace, reminding me that we both have a Good Shepherd, concerned with both of our affairs. I decided to look at the passage again to pray over it for us both and something new jumped out at me:

^"11"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. ¹²The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. ¹³The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.¹⁴"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— ¹⁵just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. ¹⁶I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd."

I'm venturing out of my own sheep pen, with a Jesus that will follow me to make sure I'm safe, who will break my legs (as was a common practice back in the day) if He has to in order to bring me rest in the company of the Shepherd's one flock.

I wore the sheep necklace the day I got to briefly meet Jessica and thank her for spurring me on to the decision to sponsor.

Turns out, though, that there were still Lisa Leonard necklaces from her giveaway. Something I didn't know until a little package arrived in the mail about a week later.

French is the language I studied in high school, when everyone said it wouldn't come in practically. Amor, of course, is French for love. But that doesn't mean anything to the Spanish-speaking Peruvians I'll visit. Given that I'm visiting Peru, it seemed ironic to me that the necklace is in french. Then I came across what Mark Batterson had to say about my life being a translation of the Bible in and of itself.

The pearl had no apparent meaning except for to make the thing look prettier. But anytime I wear pearls, I think of Matthew 7:6-- "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Meaning, to me, don't waste this gift of hope and the blessing of necessary means on keeping quiet or on being clumsy about sharing the Word of God. Be careful about where and how you are using your voice and your resources.

The silver and the pearl clank all of the time. A reminder of that sweet face and all that it teaches me. After all, it is all I have to know her by for now.

There are other things I know about her, per the pamphlet I got in the mail:

"Zaida lives with her parents and 1 sister. Her parents struggle to provide for the family. Her father is an agriculture worker. Despite their efforts it is difficult to meet the family's needs.

Zaida is growing up in a farming community 41 miles south of Cusco. Typical family homes are very rustic and are constructed mostly of wood with a thatched roof. The local diet is high in carbohydrates such as potatoes, beans and cereal. Temperatures reach 70 degrees and fall to lows in the 40s. The climate is cold and dry. Rough, mountainous terrain and deep valleys surround the community.

Zaida is not in school at this time. She likes to play with dolls. She helps at home by being good. She is in satisfactory health."

I know that she and I share a love for doll-playing and roles as the youngest in the family.

I know that her birthday, August 26, is Truett's due date, which I chose because I wanted a reminder of what a miracle it is that every bit of his body is growing normally and healthily. Many of the stories I follow reiterate to me that babies don't just happen. Every bit of the body and heart that is being knit together right now is the constant work of God and not guaranteed to work out the way we very badly hope and faithfully pray it to be. So when I say a prayer for Zaida, I say a prayer for Truett and for a d-day that brings us a happy, healthy, sweet baby boy to enjoy for days and years and a lifetime.

I know that she was born the year I graduated, 2007, and is the age of this phase of my life. Her growth mirrors my own as figure out this independent world.

I know that she shares a birthday with Mother Teresa, so she has quite the legacy to learn from. Also the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution took effect on August 26, so that's pretty sweet.

(Yes, I am just perusing the date on Wikipedia)

Historical precedent aside, I can't wait to really get to know this little girl as she grows into her own little history maker. It was too late this go-round to Peru to organize a trip to meet her, but I'm hopeful I might get the chance to go again with the Fairview team and meet those cheeks.

Until then, I'll see her in the face of the kids I do get to meet and praise God that not one of them is "just" another face, as the kids on the front of the pamphlet have long been to me.

Not for long.