Help Me Be

When it's near, I like to see it illuminate my periphery.

I don't hate everything about a phone.

There are so many possibilities. Someone may be saying hello, or asking a question or making me laugh. When I get to my phone after a period of absence (which is usually more often than not), I still anticipate that possibility. So much so that I click the little button below the screen-- my own little "let there be light" moment.

When there are no new messages, I can't help but hear friends of freshman year mock their only slight feeling of rejection by exclaiming "no friends!"

When she texts me, I get especially excited. She knows me. Watched me grow from the only slight distance of three years ahead. Watched as my strengths and weaknesses grew to adult size. Bearing with each other, we learned to deal with commonalities and differences like the adults we were becoming. Some days with envy, others with embrace, we each day inadvertently learned more about the other. With that privileged information, Emily and I had a choice. Attack, insult, accuse or encourage, uplift, and counsel.

She listens with grace and understanding, creating a safe place for me to speak honestly and passionately. Then she speaks truth and love right back.

In times of peace, she texts me that I'm missed, sends me lyrics or random things that make her think of me. And even though I can be terrible at responding, she continues to do so.

In the times my heart is troubled, she gets even better. For while she knows me at my happiest, she also understands what makes me saddest. She knows that when I get low-- as I had been this week-- it sometimes just takes an illuminated screen.

In the limited amount of space a text allows, she speaks truth. Because she knows me, the faults and upshots, she won't just let me be.

"John study, day 33 is for you right now. 'In the dead of the night when insecurities crawl on us like fleas, all of us have terrifying bouts of insecurity and panics of insignificance. Our human natures fall pitifully to the temptation at times to pull out the tape measure and gauge ourselves against people who seem far more gifted and anointed by God... one way we have to respond is by choosing to believe what we know rather than what we feel... the answers God is willing to give us in our tomorrows often flow from our faithfulness when we have none today.' -Beth Moore"

She helps me be.