Real Life

Check out the newlyweds:

no, not them (although, aren't they cute?).

I'm speaking of my parents.

And by "newly," I do mean 29 years ago. So 29yearsagoweds. That just didn't sound as good. Mom kept saying yesterday "I'm getting married at 3!" and I would keep replying "29 years ago." Then I asked her if it felt like 29 years. She pondered my question for what seemed like 29 years, I'm sure picturing some pretty good as well as some pretty low moments. Remember the concrete? That was probably in the replay running through her head. The answer? Yes and no.

I think she was just too excited to be getting married (at 3 p.m.) to come up with a better answer ;)

There is something so blessed, sacred, fabulous, comforting, inspiring, honest and real about having a mom and dad who would do it all over again, 29 years and a whole lot of crap later. Maybe not for free, but they'd do it again (that is not only an extremely clever sentence, but also a quote from House Guest, and therefore I cannot take credit for it... just when I had people thinking I was a decent writer).

We have a saying that comes up a lot around here-- "that's real life."

For example, this...

... is real life.

Oh, I like this game (and now I've gone back over a good majority of the 13,000 pictures on my iPhoto to find so true to life moments).

First, a picture of mom drinking a smoothie last weekend to the last drop. That's real life. I promised to never make this picture public... it's real life that I did anyway.

Stepping in a mud pile during a senior picture photo session... real life.

Sam mid-bite in the midst of a typically female-dominated discussion.

Josh strolling through a grocery store, already eating something he has no intention of paying for.

Like when you're stressed out about final papers and decide "what the heck, I need a break, it'll be good to be with the girls for a day, chillin' at a baseball game" but then Jill's car breaks down.

Or you're just trying to get a decent picture of some older BCM leadership and this is what happens.

Or when Lindsey does something crazy

Like when Mesha is trying to yell at Jordan (our manager) for scheduling her on a Tuesday ("when he KNOWS she can't do Tuesdays, what would possess him to do that, is this sabotage because she will NOT have any of it, WHAT is his issue for doing this to her... etc") and he's sitting there checking facebook.

Or when someone comes running, asking Deirge where they can find this or that in the CCM kitchen and she goes off on her social duties (only to find that they are out of "this or that"... bummer). That's real life.

When all 3 Smith girls are getting ready in one bathroom, running late. Real life.

When the ladies of Willard 112 decide to go back on a spontinuity (i know that's not the word, take it up with my Rooms) kick and dye Noelle's hair and then she starts doing inappropriate things behind my back (or butt). Real life.

Claire making this face while Katie Titus hides behind a stool and Cole looks like he has no idea what the heck is going on.

Emily and her better half (because sometimes it's like they might as well be married) gettin' their hands dirty in ministry.

Deirge laughing uncontrollably at something Dina had said. Dina laughing because Deirdre is laughing, unaware that all of this laughter is, indeed, at her expense. But laughter all the same, I suppose.

Ashley instructing Gillian on the art of cooking decorating. And then her OCD-ness kicking in, providing for a speed of about one decorated cookie per hour. It's just her being thorough. It is also, you may have guessed, real life.

The Creepster showing up and engaged in some sort of physical battle with Noel. Typical. And real life.

Sometimes you're keeping a 7 week old baby and don't have a crib, so you use a laundry basket instead. Maybe not the most vogue option, but real life.

I was getting to a point before all of this. Hopefully you've picked up on the pattern. Sometimes stuff doesn't go as planned. Other times, people act in direct accordance with their personalities and that is humorous. The idea behind "that's real life" is that most of the time, good or bad, you have to roll with it. And if you can't find the good in a situation-- the humor, the growth, the purpose-- you're just going to go crazy.

Especially when real life turns to crap. Then it'd really take some integrity to find a purpose in carrying on. I mean a lot of the time you can just laugh real life off. But then there are just completely humorless situations and to work through it? That is real.

When it comes to marriage these days, divorce seems like the real life option. It's increasingly becoming the norm, while happy marriages set up shop in fairy tales and feel good stories. Marriage is idealistic. Divorce, reality.

In observing my parents I'm learning that marriage is so not ideal (again, a quote from a movie-- Bride Wars, of course). It is real. It takes work and compromise and arguing and a bunch of frayed nerves. That's the inevitable. Not divorce... it's evitable. Are there situations for it? Yes. Is it something for a child of divorced parents to be ashamed of? No. Do kids of divorcees feel a lot of shame? I think so. I often feel guilty that I can't empathize with these people. Because I feel like I can't possibly know what they're going through. To them, I have the ideal situation going on here-- parents in love 29 years later. But to me? This is real life. We've got the ups and downs and in-betweens. The hurt feelings, the tears, the laughter, the struggles. It doesn't feel ideal-- it feels real.

I can't say that I don't feel blessed, though, that one of my first memories is of my parents sitting me down and promising me they would never get a divorce. How could they be sure? They couldn't know then what would happen in the future, right? Aren't there extenuating circumstances? For other people, yes, I believe there are. All kinds of things can go wrong. Cheating, homosexuality, abuse, just crap in general. The crap they couldn't promise away. But the cheating, homosexuality, and abuse, for my parents, was then and there, always and forever, ruled out. Black and white, it would not happen. And based on everything I observed about them back then, I believed them. Up to this day, I believe them. Because they said so. And because they promised more than to each other, more than for the sake of their kids.

It's not that they weren't going to let real life affect their marriage. It's that their marriage has been real life. A marriage that has been prayed over, for, about, through, in. For better or for worse.

I was being nosy and found this verse that mom sort of assigned to their marriage: "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together." -Psalm 34:3

So it has been their intent all along to prioritize in this order: 1) God 2) Each other 3) Kids 4) Work. It hasn't always worked out that way in every situation. But it is working.

And I praise the Lord for it. And for 29 years.

But mostly, for making Himself a part of real life.

I'll bring it back to the actual newlyweds now. One day about a year ago Luke said to Stephanie (to insult her, I might add, rude) "you're acting like my mom." She sharply responded, "well, you're acting like your dad." But clever Luke came back-- "well it's worked for them!"

Yes it has.