Unsure

A little over a year ago, when Emily came to FredVegas with Mom and Dad, she saw a new side to me, I think. Not really a different side, just mannerisms and sayings that come along with doing life alongside completely new people.

Like this lovely bunch.

Around them I am a little less apparently southern (the roots are still just as there and just as deep, I assure you). I am way less ghetto. A little more mannered (the people at school are now thinking this is her, more mannered?!) ... well, most of the time. Mostly though, I'm a little more like my Vegas friends when I'm at school. Go figure.

One of Emily's favorite new phrases I picked up on around my friends is "I'm unsure" (it's not actually her favorite, it's was more like the most used and noticeable at the time, therefore making it the easiest target for Em to make fun of). Its usage is pretty self explanatory.

Where are we going to go to dinner? I'm unsure.

When is that assignment due? I'm unsure.

What made him think that was okay? I'm unsure.

Who is this creepster sending Meds stuff in the mail? I'm unsure.

Are we going to play power uno? I'm unsure. (the answer was most likely a yes, by the way. When did we not play uno?)

I think I've made my point. Except for I actually haven't gotten to the real point yet. You know me better by now.

How do I go about getting better at my relationship with Christ (because what I've got right now just isn't working)? You see, I know I have to. Reached that point round bout my last post. But the next phase, the actual progress, has to start. And I'm unsure how to bring that about. I'm sure somewhere between reading my Bible and spending deep, good time in prayer would be a good place to start.

I'm certain Satan knows that's how it usually happens, too. I honestly believe he has used fatigue to keep me from it this week. I have felt so lazy. I have slept at least an hour and a half every afternoon this week. In Tuesday's case, I slept 7 hours. What is that? All I've been doing is working, which is not terribly strenuous. I go bed by no later than 1 a.m. The extra sleep really isn't necessary. But when I'm tired and dazed, it sure seems necessary. Then I wake up feeling all kinds of lazy and unproductive. Because I haven't been productive. That much is true.

I haven't been a great friend. I barely helped as Emily labored with love for my dad (a new Smith house renovation, no doubt). And there has been no quiet time to speak of. Even after I was shocked to see Slow Fade as the feature song on Sunday morning (my last post was written on Saturday), and the sermon so relevant to what is happening in my heart. I was in awe of how God works like that. He even works through bands like Casting Crowns, who I don't really care for in general. Matter of a fact, I really don't like that song. But He used it in the moment I needed him to and I am so grateful for that.

Apparently not grateful enough to do something about it. It is such a struggle for me right now. Life is just so comfortable (too comfortable when you think about the 7 hour nap) and it is so very easy to go day to day feeling secure, without a care. How easily I forget that my life can be rocked in an instant. And when it inevitably is, I don't want to be unsure about the God who saves. I want to know Him.

But right now I am undoubtedly unsure how to go about it.