Take Off

On Saturday I tried to find one thing I dislike about flying. You know, other than that it implies leaving somewhere when half of the time that somewhere is a place I would like to stay. Like home. But Saturday? I was beyond ready to leave. To have time without tests and tension and with privacy. A place where my schedule doesn't have to please everyone, where people aren't offended that I just want a little fun and good company. A time to be quiet. To sit and let Him speak. To receive His mercy and forgiveness to the point where I can let go of personality conflicts and expectations. A time to be me before Him. To be challenged by His authority, not by the desires of other people. To be grateful that He even cares enough to do that. He cares enough to give this (me) purpose. To find me where I am intimidated and tell me " lil' girl, you don't have to live up to it." 

The competing attentions that are ever present on campus and just in life, don't let them get ahold of you. But don't just wish them away either. First of all, it won't work. Secondly, it just makes you frustrated that you couldn't manage the parties on your own accord. You've got to lift it up, Sades. Don't get sad, mad, or embarrassed for what you're feeling and wait until you feel like you've got it handled to admit that you don't. When you do, it may not make everything better, but you'll feel a lot less guilty for being human and a lot more appreciative of a God who operates outside of human capacity. It's hope for you. A hope that manifests itself in mercy for the people around you who don't even know they're contributing to your struggle. It's forgiveness for those who do know they're contributing.  

What don't I like about flying? How at take off, you have to keep your portable electronic devices off. I just want to listen to some music, you know. I want to hear the songs that I hear on my blog and be so thankful that He has carried me so far as to bring me home again. I want to sing to Him in my leisure the same way I do in my distress. As I am visually and physically lifted up, I want to praise Him. And I can't during take off. But when I really think about it, can't I? No, my worship can't be concentrated on one song or playlist, but was that the point to begin with, to hear a song? For 10 minutes I am required to give up my phone, my iPod and my computer. It is as if He's asking, "would you praise me in the silence?" 

For the same 10 minutes there are crying babies, bumps on the back of your seat, flight attendants on the speaker, people all up in your elbow space, and others just "talkin lowd up in her." Then it's as if He's asking, "would you praise me despite the distractions?" I want to learn how, God. I want those to be a worshipful 10 minutes, but more than that I want to have a worshipful life.  I can't do that if I'm hellbent on having music to feel you near. I can't do that if I start blaming distractions for a lack of time devoted to you. In the quiet, I want to know you. Thank you for that time at take off, thank you for that time this week. I want it to bless you, and I want to be better at it during the second part of this break than I was in the beginning. As you know, I'm a little slow on the uptake.