Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

And so I'm off.

I'm laying in the bunk bed that has been mine all summer. In truth, it is the guest bed. But I've called it mine. I swear (except I usually don't) I can still feel the sigh of relief I let out on the night I came home and plopped myself onto these sheets. I lay there thinking I had all the time in the world.

Contrast that with this morning as I threw the sheets off of me for the last time this go'round. Dread isn't the word. All I know is that there was a distinct feeling that I no longer had all the time in the world (tangent: for that matter, do I ever? Have all the time? I don't think I do. It's realizations like this, inherent lessons in going off that draw me back to my nestegg of the world so many miles away. Well, it's one of the reasons.)

I've said before that I feel most prepared for this departure. That is still true. But in all of my preparedness I hadn't quite stopped to soak in all that I'm going to miss. It's a blessing and a curse. It means I haven't really had much time to be sad. At the same time, I haven't gone around to savor everything I will miss. And now I'm an hour out from departure. So the sadness is condensed into these few minutes.

Bella. The little Puppies. My ceiling fan. My moms collection of Bibles. The last episodes of shark week on the tivo. The friends I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to. My library books that won't fit in Arkie. My bike. ... oh wait he's strapped to the back of my car. Ha! Let's just say this entourage is going to be a sight to see.

When I think of strolling up into FredVegas with all of this stuff, getting my key to the apartment, decorating, getting classes sorted out, getting to hug the necks of chiclets new and old alike, I get so excited.

Truth be told, I think the fact that I made mention of the things I will miss means that I have indeed savored them. There is just the inevitable fact that they will soon be gone. And since I can't do a dern thing to keep 'em around, it's not worth leaving my heart here with them. So instead I linger on the excitement.

Roots and wings... roots and wings... roots and wings.

I guess it's time to switch modes.

Momma said, momma said.