Well its been over 24 hours since my last final, I've celebrated the end of the semester over a great dinner, road tripped with Rooms, spent 3 hours in a plane, I'm sitting in my living room and still I can't get it in my head that the semester is over. I mean I'm happy. Please. But it's more like I'm happy at the idea that school is over. I haven't really felt the relief first hand. I'm kind of glad for it though, because it means I'm not just riding a christmas-music induced high. I just feel like with classes done I should be more thrilled, I should feel more Christmas-y. Instead, it's as if He's saying Sadie, let me bring you relief. Let me bring you joy.
I've often claimed this semester, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10). Well, now that the work is done and my responsibilities (at least academically) are minimal, the verse is almost reversed. Do not rejoice, for the strength of the LORD is your joy. Not literally do not be happy. Don't be excited. Don't have fun. I've had plenty of fun in the past day, for sure. But the past 24 hours have been much more chill than I imagined. So I've had to ask myself why the fallout hasn't met my expectations. My conclusion is that my expectations for hype hardly involved a genuine thankfulness to God for carrying my burden. Why do I not feel the reality of relief right now? Because the truth is that He's been faithful in taking the load off little by little throughout this semester. And if I have anything to rejoice in now that it's over, it's in that He was there all along.
Isn't that how Christmas is supposed to feel? If so, I'm only beginning to understand it. And I'm so glad he has chosen this season to start teaching me about the joy that is made possible in his strength. Strength humbled to infancy. And a joy that is, of course, complimented so nicely by hot chocolate, laughter with the family, a beautiful tree, and the ability to sit on the couch with him at 2 a.m.
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