Midnight Clear

I've waited for this moment for pretty much a whole semester. Not just heading to bed knowing the presents that will await me in the morning, but being in the house with all 5 of my family members, quiet in my living room, pondering the birth of Christ, free from assignments and business. I do have to say it feels pretty good. And it has already been so fun. We are a spoiled bunch of people, us Smith's. I mean, we aren't (or do not intend to be) bratty or pompous. But we do have so much. I'm in fun pajamas (our traditional Christmas Eve gift) looking up at our new Wii (a family Christmas Eve gift) on display and only minutes have passed since sharing laughter with my siblings. All 3 of them ;). They've now gone to bed and I have my quiet time to think. I love the fun we've been having, but I want to understand and comprehend better what it is we're celebrating. Every year I go through all of the festivities and church services truly believing what I'm singing and weighing what I'm hearing and then I get to Christmas Eve and it's like I've lost insight into the significance of Jesus' birth and resign myself to the surface level unwrapping of gifts. It's not so much a lack of Christmas spirit in the least. It's more a lack of the Spirit. 

I ask that You intervene tonight. With all that has been going on in my mind, as I reflect on this year and what it has meant in all different arenas-- what impact this year will have on the goings-on of 2009--, I ask that You make the reality of the life of Christ real to me. As I wake up (from sleeping in in the morning!), as we descend the stairs, as we open gifts and make lunch and take naps. Find moments to bring me back to what it's about. Keep me aware that not everyone has a family to love, regardless of what holiday they are or aren't celebrating. That some will go hungry tomorrow. Some will die. Some will grieve. Some will hurt. Many, actually, will hurt. Because that is just life.

 And life, alas, doesn't put itself on hold for idealist holiday celebration. Good thing that is not what Christmas is meant to be at all. Life was anything but put on hold the night Jesus humbled himself to this earth. And He didn't come to give us a reason to get presents once a year. He doesn't say the cookies have to taste just right and the dinner be on the table right on time, or the lights have to be set up perfectly outside, or the stockings hung neatly, or the house have to be clean. He doesn't say we have to decorate at all. He doesn't say stop hurting. Stop crying. Stop feeling anything other than cheerful. He came to give us life, that we might have it abundantly. He acknowledges the pain of living-- He knows it-- and He offers to do something about it. So many people are depressed this time of year because they hate that they don't fit the cookie-cutter mold of a happy, cheerful, blessed, gift-receiving, gift-giving person. They're spent. And the last thing God asks is for us to act like we've got it under control. His point is that we don't. Still, I know I like to act like I have all the answers. That I somehow have it figured out. That life is overwhelmingly happy for four weeks in December. 

Last night, friends, was anything but "put together." Tensions were high in the Smith home. Mom and dad bickering, mom extremely stressed out, my lazy self not on top of the chores I should have finished. Attitudes out of control. The Smith's were strugglin'. We don't have it together. Our house is prettily decorated, we are in no want for presents, the food has been fabulous, but at the heart of it all we're screwed up people. And can't none of us act like we have the Christian thing mastered. Or that we have the Christmas thing mastered. There is always a way to be more thankful, to be more graceful, to act more lovingly, to be more Christ-like. And to act like I'm there would be so wrong. So I admit tonight that I'm not close. I have everything I could want or need around me now but so much of it comes a goes. None of it is promised to me. All of it could be taken away in an instant. My hope and my joy cannot depend on these things. I know that, but I'm still not sure I'm there. If it were all gone, would I find joy in knowing that Jesus came to give me hope no matter the circumstance? Could I ever be so detached from my stuff? It's my goal. Not only to know that hope and that joy but to show it, as well. Not just to blog about it but to live it. So that my example lives up to my words.  

Christmas is still applicable. It's not just an idealist celebration (though I see how it could come across as such, I'm sure I add to this interpretation more than I care to admit), it is a real promise. It's God saying that life is going to happen but here's what I can do to help. It was a glorious revelation to everyday shepherds, which I believe applies still today.  

It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men
From heavens all gracious King!"
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come,
With peaceful wings unfurled;
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world:
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

O ye beneath life's crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow;
Look now, for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
Oh rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years
Shall come the time foretold,
When the new heaven and earth shall own
The Prince of Peace, their King,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.

God I ask that you be as clear to me as I seek Christ as you were to the Shepherds that night. Show me the true glory of Christmas day. Help me to understand why it is such a big deal. I want to know it for myself. Right here, right now as I stare out into my own midnight clear, I thank you for what I already do know about the birth of your Son and for what He means to my life. Thank you for an eternal Friend born on this day. Be enough for me today. 

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

(Relient K- I Celebrate the Day)