That's a little stone, that's a little mortar...

Kingdom Comes

by Sara Groves

When anger fills your heart

when in your pain in hurt

You find the strength to stop

You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul

though all things feel unjust

You open up your heart

you find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar

that's a little seed that's a little water

in the hearts of the sons and daughters

The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind

says you protect you own

You still extend your hand

You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life

when in your grief and pain

You choose again to rise

you choose to bless the name

In the mundane tasks of living

in the pouring out and giving

In the waking up and trying

In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar

that's a little seed that's a little water

In the hearts of the sons and the daughters

the Kingdom's coming

So Mary Beth gave me this Sara Groves CD in like June and it surfaced in the highlander yesterday as I rummaged through my mother's limited selection of music. So I threw it in and heard this song. I didn't find it relevant at first-- after all, I'm not particularly angry or hurt or doubtful or fearful or sorrowful now that I have a break from college. I got to thinking, though, about when school does start back up. I promise I don't hate school. And it's not that I really dread going back. So much about life at Mary Washington is fun and honestly fulfilling.

 But it can get overwhelming. At first that scared me. Like Sadie why can't you get this under control? It's unnatural to feel this burdened.  But in talking to Him, I think the point is that it is natural to feel so burdened. Expectations are high, people. And I'm still just a sophomore in college. It can only get more extensive from here. Look around at the seasonal hustle and bustle. Life is chaotic. People (including one's self) are selfish. Greed destroys. Money won't satisfy. Grades fail to reflect effort. And yet, these things drive me. Not always consciously, not always by choice. But by my nature. And this overwhelmed nature seems to rear its ugly head most in the wake of academic hurdles and a society of developing, diverse adults. The world is overwhelming. You can't tell me it's not. But the solution is not self help. It's not even help from friends. The well meaning friends who try to tell you not to be so stressed out. Oh, okay. Since you insist. It just doesn't work that way. I wish it did. But God worked out a much better system.

He saw the state of nature with its sin and all, and sent a baby to relate to us. He empathizes with us. Not only does He want to help us, He wants to refine us. To get to the refinement process, we have to come to the realization that life is just burdensome. The friends are right, certain tests and papers shouldn't be such a big deal. But with strained relationships, spiritual hunger, lack of direction, and a good ol' case of homesickness mixed in, life becomes a bit of a to do. And it is not something I have the power to snap out of. It is, however, something He has all the power in the world to snap me out of. He has the ability to empower me to bless, to trust, to open up, to rise, to wake, and to lie down. And if I let Him, he will build my heart up in Kingdom fashion. 

Here at home the sense of urgent need for Him dies down a little bit. Because sorrow, fear, anger and doubt just happen less in the company of people who you love unconditionally and in the privacy of home. The sense of urgent need goes away. The actual need? Always there. It's not circumstantial. As the clock ticks 4 weeks and counting until I go back to the real world, I truly do not dread it. I just want to make sure that as desperately as I seek Him at school applies here at home, too... and that the relief I feel here at home is substantial enough to carry into next semester. 

Admitting to God that there is hurt, disappointment, and stress and asking Him to structure something out of it is just so much more productive than trying to deny the existence of such pressures. Every tiff, pet peeve, and letdown is a stone that just needs a little mortar to be made into something architecturally beautiful. 

Ya know something about God? He has a sense of humor. Because when I turned this song on again today I was leaving church where Jared announced his resignation. Find the strength to bless instead of curse. It's a little stone, it's a little mortar. And then I went to babysit where we worked with some sweet stone and mortar to make a gingerbread house... God has better architectural skills, no doubt.