I Will Show You Love

I haven't really known how to get into the "Easter mood."

I mean, I've definitely been in the Spring mood... 

It is beautiful outside.

I had a great time at Rock for Life.

We had Good Friday dinner and bonfire at Liz's house.

But within the fun and beauty that is Spring, Easter has felt a lot like a calendar day this year.

I really wish it didn't. I know I should feel the depth of the despair that was Christ's death and that I should rejoice in the glory that was His resurrection. Maybe it's the fact that I know what I should do that's keeping me from being what I am this Easter. 

I have this idea of what a Christian is supposed to look like in response to this ultimate act of love and hope, upon which Christianity is built.

It's an image of prayer and solitude but also of fellowship and congregation.
It is a reverent, spirit-filled person.
It is a follower who knows his leader-- who's deep in the Word and filled with genuine gratitude.
Who hurts at the thought of Jesus remaining in that grave.
Who celebrates when that burden is lifted. 

It should be me. It could be me.

And I believe it all-- the birth, the death, the resurrection, the Alpha and the Omega. 

But it's just not me. And that is a problem. Because if I really believed it all-- if I really, fully, from the bottom of my heart, in every fiber of my being believed Him and acted like it-- it would so totally be me. I want it to be. 

I don't want to go to church in the morning and sing some songs in the sunrise (I mean, I do, because I'm telling you, it's GORGEOUS these days). 

I don't want to pretend like I feel the gratitude... I want to feel the gratitude.

Are you with me?

There's just a gap between those two things that I am ever so slowly learning to bridge. Between, as the saying goes, talking the talk and walking the walk. I want to know the glory so I can be grateful. Grateful that he has already bridged the gap.

And Easter? That was Him walking the walk. Much better than I'll ever be able to.

He did it-- the death and resurrection-- precisely so that I can be that supposed Christian. The one of prayer and solitude. The one of communion and community. Reverent and Spirit-guided. Who hurts, but who celebrates.

I don't want to act like that. I want to be that.

Like Christ was that. For Him and for others, I want to really know the victory that is Easter. Where better to go to get into the "Easter mood" than to the written story. See, in my desire to be "that person" -- whoever that is-- I forgot that that person had to become that person. The passion as I imagine that person having wasn't there from the get-go. It takes patience and obedience. So tonight I'm doing my best to patiently and obediently read over John's account of Jesus' crucifixion.

Not because I want to look like "that person" but because I want to know Christ.  

At last weekend's Leadership Training Conference, I went to a break out session entitled, "Mo' Better Bible Study" (Before I go any further, I should mention that we decided if they're calling it "mo" it probably shouldn't be "bettER." Any real ganstA would know that...). I have a point. The leader, Tyler, (who, incidentally, introduced us to Toms shoes) gave us this helpful tip: Your Bible is not dead. He said he hates it when people refer to the bible as a manual for life. His exact words were "way to kill it!" And by letting it just sit there, I'm killing it, too. People either have their Bible voice or spend their life mocking people with Bible voices. Very few give the text emotion-- and that's just a few out of the already minimal amount who spend the time to actually read the Bible aloud. 

I plead guilty as charged. So I did something a little weird. I was reading over John and noticed myself skimming and suddenly I was reading just to get done with the text.

That's right, the text I just got done saying I was going to go over patiently. 

I want to find meaning in each word. Especially those Jesus spoke to the people who most adored him in the days following his death. 

As always, I feel a special connection with Thomas (also, apparently, called Didymus... probably just by the mean kids). Or at least what Jesus responded to him with:

"Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." For me, tonight, that means quit doubting that I'll ever be "that person" and be me. Tell Jesus "I'm not quite sure. I know what you're saying and I believe the gospel, but I haven't believed you to make as much of a difference in my life as I, or you, would like." ...Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:29) 

He's going to bless that honesty, I think. Much more than if I showed up to see a pretty sunrise and acted all happy. 

I trust Him to bless it to the point that I'm more than happy. I'll be joyful.
And if "that person"--that prototype that I'm so afraid I'm not-- is anything, it's joyful.

Maybe I'm closer than I realize and I just get too intimidated by how far I have to go. The song "I Will Show You Love"  by Kendall Payne is a good reminder to me that He's gone the distance. He'll be back for more if I just say the word. 

Of course, Romans 8 also offers a pretty good reminder--

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-- more than that, who was raised to life-- is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

He has shown me love.

There is no "Easter mood."
It's Easter truth. Truth that really should be marking my every day.
He made a way to know His love more deeply and more passionately. That's Easter.
He made a way for me to give up the doubt, reach out my hand, and believe Him enough for today. Not naively, but with utmost trust that He will show me. 

Peace be with you. 

Oh! And "Happy Easter, Happy Spring, Happy every little thing!"