The Help

The fact that this time last week I was in a very different living room with a much heavier heart is not lost on me today. I have never been so overwhelmed by the fear of failure.

I mean, I was okay with being the least coordinated kid in the children's choir. Piano recitals? There was never any way around them, so I learned to oblige and make my peace with the nerves. Very rarely have I thought "what if I just don't do this" and felt so overwhelmed to the point of truly believing I couldn't. I don't know what it was about last Monday and that test, but I felt so defeated before any testing had even begun. It was really only a couple of hours of absolute restlessness, but it scared the snot out of me. For good reason, though, I think. Feeling so out of control of my emotions brought me back to how futile emotions actually are. Frustration, exhaustion, sadness, happiness, love when its treated like one. And, ultimately, how out of control I really am.

I knew the test wasn't the end of the world, nor should it have been the entirety of my world. But that helpless feeling is frightening. Running to the help does mean the world. Was it stupid to freak about about some test? I think so. But it got my attention. Just in time for vacation, when the temptation is to sit back and mindlessly relax, God reminded me, "Sadie you need my help."

I am not in any less need of it today as I was one week ago. And God is not any less able to offer it, either. In a world of changing emotions, that steadiness is striking to me.

Our pastor yesterday said something along the lines of how it's not God's height that makes the difference, but how far He is willing to bend down.

The nativity seems so ordinary to me. Common and overlooked.

Jesus was born common and overlooked. But He was striking.