4:20

that's the time that lit up on my phone last night when Peterso and I both finally worked up the nerve to see exactly what time our conversation had carried us to.

4:20 a.m.

I gotta say, though, 3 1/2 hours seems short compared to the cumulative lack of meaningful conversation I've made a point to have with Ashley this semester. Matter of fact, we both at times considered looking at the clock and chose not to because the time really didn't matter. We needed this. As time went on, for me, it was more and more apparent just how much we needed it. And the time would end up mattering if we knew what time it was, so we made the conscious effort not to. It meant so much to have time to get to know my friend's heart. Or a little of it. It's not like we figured out the world last night and know everything there is to know about each other's struggle. But last night was a start. And it was so freeing to not be bound by time. To be able to just lay it all out there. I am so thankful for (A)ARP (this is a nickname i'm determined to make stick!) for listening. I don't know how much she got from it, but I feel like there's a new slate, a mutual understanding of where each other is coming from. It's not like we were having an argument before. We weren't having a lot of anything before, and I missed it severely. As evidenced by 3 1/2 hours of discussion once we finally met, just the two of us. I'm pretty sure God knew that the only time we'd both sit down and really chat would be if we weren't bound by time or schedule-- and so last night, at least for me, these things didn't matter.

Which is saying something because if you've read the past couple of posts, it's all about the worry and the grades and the time and the rest. He checked it last night, and provided the perfect forum for Peterso and me to be ourselves unrestricted by time and therefore less restricted in sharing our thoughts. And since he so carefully constructed the meeting place, he decided to show up to. And at 4:20 a.m. he brought thr love and gentleness to make our chat powerful. Not just talk or words. Not gossip. Not superficial. Not regrettable when you wake up at 9 a.m. and ask yourself was it worth staying up that late? It was. Spurring. Compelling. Meaningful. Insightful. Constructive.

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" -I Corinthians 4:20-21

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.

Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart;

for they are life to those who find them

and health to a man's whole body.

Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you.

Make level paths for your feet

and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or the left;

keep your foot from evil." -Proverbs 4:20-26

Thank you Ashley for being bold enough to bring up a topic of significance. I admire your obedience to God in your desire to be purposeful in conversation and you have confirmed this challenge in me as well. I am convinced he will continue to prove, that he will bless the fellowship, both old and new, if we're intentional about asking it of Him (and by continue to prove, I mean an A on your bio test!).

As for me, I'm lookin' ahead. The best is yet to come. I really believe it. It's not just some catchy Frank Sinatra song (although it is that), it is confirmed in the Proverbs. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. My prayer tonight is that God would reveal the logistics of this for you and your role in leadership. Looking at what was and what is makes what is to come hard to be hopeful for. I feel that, too. But Jesus is evidence A that what is to come kicks what was's butt.

I lurve you, my friend. Especially at 4:20. Mainly all the time.