Check it at the Door

old pictures. 

But the only ones I have of my door. This will probably soon change... But for now, go with it. This has been a great day. It hasn't been one of those giddy laughter or happy-go-lucky days. It's been a day to relax and be content in knowing that I have asked God to work on me-- finding places here and there to let him. It has been a thoughtful day. A day to ponder what exactly it is I want to accomplish in my last few weeks before Christmas break. Not as in tests and papers, which I have plenty of! As in, am I going to get so stressed out that the stress is all I and others will remember? I want to be gentle and humble-- evidence of my assurance that these next weeks will not do me in. Sometimes the anxiety hits me in waves. Other times I know I'm not near as concerned as I should be. And balancing these feelings gets increasingly difficult as the deadlines approach. 

Tonight at One, an interdenominational worship service on campus, Mike spoke about addiction. All kinds of addictions. Like drugs, alcohol, pornography, lust, smoking, gambling, texting, eating, worry. That's my kicker. It's surprising to me because I've never been the "worried" type. At least not in the traditional type A interpretation. It's not that I need control or I'm stressed for not having a schedule or being on time. But I do worry. About my grades. About the state of my relationships. About life. And when I get the most worried, I get the least productive. I dilly dally on facebook, playing games, reading. I procrastinate and I add to the worry. And it's a sin. I don't have the power myself to get over it. I try. I have fun excursions to get my mind off of the workload. I tell myself not to stress. I act not stressed. Which works until another wave hits me and I'm back at square one. I'm overwhelmed and feel like I have no power to stop it. I play the worry down and forge ahead. And it's a sin. 

"He who conceals his sin does not prosper,

but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

-Proverbs 28:13

So tonight I'm confessing, God, that I have so much to do. And where I don't have so much to do, I have so much anxiety over it that the work seems to double. It seems smart to push through it, pump myself up, and tell myself I can do it. But then I will not prosper. I confess I don't have the power to do it. I don't have the power to stop the wave of worry.  You do. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."      -Colossians 3:23

So as I approach life in the days ahead, I work with my heart. Not with fear. Not with bitterness. Not with dread. Not with worry of expectations. With my heart, as unto you. Not as unto my teachers. Not even as unto my friends or family. Unto you. 

I'm checking my attitude at the door. Because it is there that Satan waits to take my thoughts every morning. As I walk out of the building he desires to wear me down. Before I even start classes or work or meeting up with friends or going to the gym he's ready to tell me it wont be good enough. He's ready to remind me how much I have to do. He's ready to make me feel defeated even before I begin to take on the day. I won't have any part of it. I'm too busy and my God is to great for me to serve a master of dread, anxiety, worry, or fear. 

When Satan shows up, I'll turn around and walk the other direction. This is, after all, the definition of repent. 

"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."                   -Acts 3:19

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

-Matthew 11:28

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

-2 Corinthians 10:5

Knowing Christ contrasts worry. So I'll take the anxiety captive as I leave the room. I'll choose Christ. And I'll trust that He will reward my efforts in time. 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

-Ecclesiastes 3:11

My Jesus. My key. And my coffee. All I need as I walk out the door. And, of course, in that order ;)